5 Of The Craziest Things That Happened Before Valentine’s Day

By Simba The Comic King 

Every week there is an a**hole out there who because they are insane as balls, decides to do something that's insane-as-balls-like. This section of Mufasa's Son is dedicated to those a**holes, giving you a list of the maddest things that took place during the past week both locally and globally, s**t like…

Minister Promises 4 Million Jobs

One thing that is certainly abundant in this country (Zimbabwe) is weed and I don’t mean the unwanted plants growing in your garden I mean the other ones that aren’t growing in your garden unless everyone in your hood calls you Rasta or Jahman. Minister of Information, Media and Broadcasting Services Dr. Christopher Mushohwe has clearly been smoking too much of the other-ones-that-aren’t-growing-in-your-garden. Last week at a mobilization meeting of content producers or more appropriately, a “Let Us Gather And Bulls**t These Young Creative Niggas” meeting where he promised no less than four million jobs from twelve television stations courtesy of the digitization currently in the works. He also estimated no less than $1.5 billion in revenue for content producers every year. We haven’t seen anything like that since Jesus fed the five thousand with the two loaves and five fish. All we can say is something smells fishy.

"Whom amongst you has two loaves and five fish I can turn into four million jobs?"

Kanye West Withdraws His Support For Donald Trump

"Next time I go to Paris you ain't coming with me....niggas only."

Mr Kardashian is no stranger to controversy. However when controversy goes as far as being black and supporting an orange haired racist bigot then this calls for an intervention, your controversial a** has to be put on ice. Kanye who met with Donald Trump last year and rallied behind his presidential campaign finally had Kim telling him, “Stop this s**t nigga or you ain’t getting none!” West claims he was unhappy with Trump’s first two weeks in office. Welcome to the squad Kanye, normal human beings were unhappy with his first two minutes, the Donald’s first few weeks in office have been like premature ejaculation. Kanye wasn’t particularly pleased with the US president’s temporary ban on immigrants traveling from seven majority Muslim countries. To show that he really means business he pulled down every tweet with even the slightest Donald trump a** kissing tone to it. We miss the good ol’ days when he’d tweet about Niggas fornicating in Paris or some s**t like that. Not to say we’ll miss those tweets but that would be like Olinda pulling down her Facebook Live videos, and speaking of Olinda.....                

Ruvheneko Interviews Olinda

Havoc wreaked on Facebook on Monday when the woman who has passed through every Zimbo guy’s fantasies at least once, Ruvheneko Parirenyatwa announced on Facebook that she would be interviewing Olinda still-not-sure-if-she’s-Mrs. Chideme-or-Chapel. Zimbabweans (who clearly had too much time and bundles on their hands) expressed their outrage over Ruvhie’s choice of guest for her show. Keyword here being HER. This did not deter Ruvhie as she went on to interview the s**t out of Olinda anyway. I managed to catch at least thirty five seconds of the show but it was basically a sequel to Why Did I Get Married aptly titled Why Did I get Married To An Insensitive Cheating Rapper Fuck And Send Him Shitloads of Money via Moneygram. Even after her rants Olinda doesn’t sound sure whether or not she is leaving the Des as she kept on referring to him as “her husband” throughout the entire movie. Ruvheneko did have a lot of good questions to ask her but probably the most interesting was, “What the f**k is gupuro in English?!”

Library of Congress Removes Poster With Spelling Error

The Library Of Congress, a library that officially serves the most powerful nation in the world’s congress aka “The Last Place Where You Are Supposed To Find A Poster With A Spelling Error” had to embarrassingly pull down what was supposed to be Donald Trump’s Inauguration poster which read, "No dream is too big, no challenge is to great. Nothing we want for the future is beyond our reach." I’ll bet you a bond coin that you didn’t even notice the spelling error cause you are used to shorthand you imbecile. It’s supposed to read as “too great.” This is apparently a Donald Trump quote which might help explain the negligence. Twitter users from around the world quickly noticed this and went about correcting the quote even though it’s a bit longer than 140 characters.

"Can you spell "Orange Muslim Hating Racist Bigot?"

Man Steals Van From Mortuary  And Takes It Back After Seeing A Body

A man from Southern California, Bobby Joe Washington, stole a van from a mortuary and returned it after he found a dead body in it. Duh Bobby, were you expecting fresh fruit? After he’d returned the vehicle, he decided to steal another van at the same premises. I’m sure from that day onwards, whenever you look up the word imbecile in the dictionary, Bobby’s face will be right next to it. Gaddhemeti.

"Mum....I see dead people."

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