Mufasa's Son

By Simba The Comic King The rest of the world has come a long way in terms of democracy but for every democratic step forward the rest of the world has taken, Africa has taken democracy and shoved it up the collective a**es of its people. Africa is almost like the Disneyland of overstaying in power, note the emphasis on the word almost because there is nothing Donald Duck- ish or Mickey Mouse- que about these leaders….   Forced Into Exile Comes Back And Exiles Himself In Presidential Office Paul Kagame’s parents fled Rwanda and he grew up in exile in Uganda after escalation of violence against the Tutsi perpetrated by the Hutu (just think of the Tutsi as the Jews and Hutu as Germans during WW2). Fair and fine right? Sounds like the stuff classic revenge movies are made of, parents and boy flee, boy develops a strong sense of hatred toward thine enemies and instead of being Jesus like and giving them the other butt cheek to slap, he swears one day he shall return t...

By Simba The Comic King  Before Playstation, fairy tales used to be a good way to get kids to stop farting, shut the f**k up and fall asleep. Eventually Kratos took the place of Rumpelstiltskin, who wants to listen to imp tales when you can control a Greek god that decapitates people’s heads? Unbeknownst to most though is that some of the fairy tales that were read to us as kids are actually based on real life events that are more chilling than a head decapitating Greek god, fairy tales like…. Saint Barbara was Rapunzel without the Golden Hair A Brothers Grimm fairy tale, Rapunzel has a strong resemblance to the story of Saint Barbara, who unfortunately didn’t have long a** golden hair to save her from the tower she was locked up in. Saint Barbara was born mid-third century in Heliopolis, Phoenicia. Barbara’s wealthy Roman daddy, Dioscorus, built a tower to protect her from little boys who’d just hit puberty. Since porn wasn’t a thing you couldn’t take chances so the obvio...

By Simba The Comic King Once in a while historians find a way of covering up details that would make you think twice about your favorite historical figures, after all the reason why you adore them is cause they are seemingly perfect but we’re sorry to burst your bubble, they did fart, just like you or me and that’s not all. They did worse things, like take a leak, those normal human things we wouldn’t expect of god-like figures but it just doesn’t end there... A Nonviolent Minister With A Handgun  Martin Luther King Jr was the kinda fellow who lived on Jesus principles,   . On that-if-you-slapped-on-the-cheek-let-the-man-kick-thy-a**-as-well-then- turn-water-into-JC-Le-Roux tip. Never mind my Bible knowledge that’s not really the point of all of this. He was a firm believer in the mystical power of nonviolence. At least that’s what all the cheesy movies of him tell us, here’s what you didn’t know: Due to the many death threats he was getting in the racially tense ye...

By Simba The Comic King Whenever you listen to a song, play a game, watch a movie or TV show some men and women with god like abilities that are known on our planet as PR and marketing, went through a combination of hell and dog s**t to make sure people are aware of it, preferably before it comes out. Some of these stunts are completely harmless like Sacha Baron Cohen sitting his a** on Eminem’s face cause Em raps about a** face-sitting all the time and some not as harmless and are liable to go south like…. Cartoon Network Bomb Scare Whenever you think Cartoon Network the last thing that would come to mind is terrorism,  Mojo Jojo being the only exception. In 2007, CN whose parent company is Turner Broadcasting System Inc were gearing to premiere their  late night Adult Swim toon film, Aqua Teen Hunger Force: . Colon Movie Film for Theaters .  Instead of going through hell and dog s**t like every other PR and marketing guy or girl, marketing company Interferenc...

By Simba The Comic King Dictators are known for well, dictatoring but hidden beneath the atrocities they are already infamous for, lies a pure malevolence that would scare the Krueger out of Freddy. Every year at the Global Dictator Conference (whose existence we are still trying really hard to prove) they share ideas on how to make up and spread stories that will add the mega to lomaniac… Saddam Hussein’s Human Shredder Before the Shredder was the Turtles’ arch nemesis, he was employed by Saddam Hussein and before he mutated into metal, he was made of plastic. In 2003, a British member of parliament, Ann Clwyd claimed Saddam had a unique(to himself of course) and sadistic (to rest of the motherf**king world) method of torture in which he used an industrial shredding machine to turn his foes into mince meat foes. Although the existence of this torture tool was never proven, a witness in Hussein’s 2005 trial in Baghdad , would later describe seeing a “human flesh grinder.” ...

By Simba The Comic King If there is one thing that has become terribly cliché with comedians is racial jokes, black and white, white and black, blah blah blah and more black and white, you’d think they are zebras from Madagascar (That was not meant as a reference to Chris Rock). You really can’t blame them though, cause black and white gags are a guaranteed laugh especially when your d**k jokes aren’t getting in (and with that, our first intended pun of the day). Many slang words, used by comic and non-comic folk alike actually have origins that initially weren’t offensive, words like….   In The Beginning Uncle Tom Was A Compliment The real Uncle Tom, in Harriet Beecher Stowe’s abolitionist 1852 novel, was a martyr who was whipped to death for refusing to deny his faith as well as not revealing the whereabouts of two fugitive women. In the years that followed it became a racial slur which denotes a sell out. Who was responsible for turning this idealistic character it in...

By Simba The Comic King Everyone knows the story of Stella Liebeck, or so I think as her name popped up so many goddamn times when I was researching for this. For those of you who don’t, Stella, a 79 year old woman at the time, sued McDonalds’ cause she split their coffee on her own lap while she was in a car driven by her grandson, Chris, since she definitely wasn’t Lovin’ It , she went on to sue the red and yellow off McDonald’s insisting that their coffee was too hot and got awarded a retirement package of $2.7 million. We assume she used it to open her own coffee shop which she called "Not As Hot As McDonald’s" Coffee Place. Stella Liebeck vs. McDonalds’ is considered the most famous example of frivolous litigation and nowadays it ain’t that easy to sue cause you split coffee on yourself unless of course you are a celebrity. There are celebrities who are possessed by the hot McDonalds’ coffee hatin’ spirit of Stella Liebeck who have gotten away with ri- sh***y -c...